Studying full time is not always an easy task especially when you already have a kid. The fact that i didn't see this coming also made things a little over the edge. Not that I didn't expect to get a baby once married, it's just that i never pictured how it would be with the studying and a 19-month old toddler climbing up here and there and always playful-as how toddlers are meant to be.
It was different when i still had classes to attend and left my toddler with my mom at home and didn't have to worry much. But since i completed the courses..it was supposed to be the thesis writing..well starting from the proposal of course.
But Alhamdulillah once i moved to sg Buloh, i had to worry less about my litle one because we live in an apartment and there are no stairs and no vases or glassware on the table etc.
The problem now is motivation and inspiration..being a full time student seems so easy to others since i've heard people say "you only need to study" and "ahh ..working environment is totally different" bla bla bla. I agree on the difference in nature of work...BUT being a student at home for me also means being a housewife. I dont get to study much (or at all) during the day as there are lots of work to do
From sweeping/mopping (i really hate seeing dust or any particles on the floor), cooking, bathing my baby, putting clothes on him, feeding him, then do laundry...and the list goes on. And if you've seen me put clothes on him, you'll know how he likes to run away hoping i'd chase him and play. Hasan ohh hasan...sometimes this is fun.......but sometimes it really gets on my nerves and i start shouting. And there comes the stresssss. Not adding to the mess he makes when eating and keep climbing behind the tv like he is doing now..
I am not complaining. Just letting those people know that being a student when you are also a mom is NOT easy. You definitely have the time to stay at home but you never get the energy to stay awake in the middle of the night to read journals and articles and figuring out the method to use for your research. And that's why there is a NEED for motivation and inspiration.
And for me the only source is One--
Hope and continuously putting my hope in His hands and just reassure myself that i'll get over this sooner or later. And that hope has to be gathered with consistent praying and trying no matter how difficult it may be. The inner self has to be strong in order to succeed. That inner self has to be at peace. And we can only get that feeling of tranquility from remembering Him.
